Coincidence? I think not...

Coincidence, that one word people use to describe when something happens at that perfect timing. I have stumbled through many of them, describing them as such, just coincidence nothing more. Not any more though, the fatalist has come out in me once again.

Take Saturday for instance. I was wondering around my local grocer when my phone rang with a number I didn't recognize. Not being the cautious person who screens calls I promptly answer it. Behold it is an old friend of mine from years past, come to tell me of his grail quest and to catch up. This couldn't of happened at a more perfect time, a coincidence perhaps or maybe fate, considering I have once again rekindled my fire for the grail. After a few minutes of small talk we get down to the reason he called me... his quest. He had told it to many others that he has surrounded himself with and they all gave him crazy looks, distant "mmHmm", and other modest things one does when you don't agree with what one is telling you but don't really want to comment what you feel. My friend started to doubt his feeling for the quest, to doubt his soul's cry for adventure to become more complete. I promptly stated that it is foolish to not listen to your inner pulling, if you feel like you need to do it then you should. Just that one sentence was all he needed to reaffirm his position on what he should do and with great fervor declared "damn the torpedoes! I'm going to California". Of course he didn't up and go right then and there. No he has a few loose ends to tie up, like we all do, before he can undertake his quest.

It was nice talking to him as I got to tell him of my quest, which I will detail later. To tell someone who actually understands and isn't thinking "love struck romantic" with every sentence I utter to them was a nice change of pace.

Speaking of a change of pace...

Coincidences are really fate giving you an opportunity to make a choice to follow your grail path or to not. The coincidence can be big or small but it is always just enough to get you thinking about them, thus they have done their job. Sometimes all it takes is thinking about someone you haven’t heard from in a while and having them call you in the following week. Other times it takes a huge in your face approach to get you to realize what exactly is going on.

If you choose not to follow the path, the quest, then that too is a bit fated to be as your not ready to undertake such an adventure BUT, in my humble opinion, you wouldn’t be getting the signs or the calling to partake in such a quest if you weren’t deemed ready to in the first place. That feeling like you need to be somewhere or do a certain action, sometimes called intuition, doesn’t just strike whenever it fancies. No, it comes when you are ready for it, ready to move on to the next area of your quest.

The long view of my life has proven to me many times now that every action leads to the next, certain events in my life had to have happened for me to be where I am now. I would not appreciate the love and friendship of certain people if I did not have the past experiences I have accumulated in my journey to be the person that I am. For that is really what the grail quest is about, self betterment. Not just betterment though, self completion. To become whole in every aspect of your life, finding happiness in the little details that are around us that we miss normally going about our daily lives. To have that child like wonder of the world again, the giddiness of that first love, the amazement of the things around us. Getting back to that state while retaining the knowledge we have gathered in our years, that is the goal of the grail quest.

The grail is just symbolism for the thing that you yearn for. The thing that makes your soul cry out for, to be close to, to exist in or around. It could be a certain state or country, a man or woman, even an ideal that you want to hold closely to your daily life. All these things are but stepping stones on your journey to self completeness. It is hard to say if and when the grail quest will ever end. If your grail is a man or woman who is to say that after you are together that you both won’t merge your grail quests together and thus have a companion on your journey. It’s likely we will never finish our quests, but that is not to discourage the attempt as the very act of going on your quest is moving toward the self completion.

The funny thing about the grail quest is that it may take years before you get your next calling. In my experience it has taken two years since the last time I felt like I had to do something. I followed what I felt like I had to do and it has done very well for me. Now I am feeling that calling again, but two fold. I feel an intense need to be in New York, right now the excuse is to go to the Culinary Institute of America that happens to be in New York but that might not be the actual goal in reaching New York, I do know that I need to be there though and will try to get there as soon as I am able to.

The second part of my quest is a need to be with someone, so much so that I have done things really out of character. I have gone out of my way to be with this person, to the point of flying out to see them after only three weeks of knowing them. After returning from my trip I put in for a transfer to a base much closer to her. This was met with actions very out of her norm as well, letting someone who she had only known for a few weeks stay at her place, let alone her bed. Coincidence that we, at the same time, decided to go against what we normally would do? I think not, it was good ole fate. Taking that huge step in the grail quest to where I got to be a part of my grail, to feel what its like, if only for a moment was one of the best leaps of faith I have taken. It's been a long time since I smiled as much and was as happy as I was those four days that I spent with her, my love, my grail...

And with that, my mind has gone quiet for the night so I bid you farewell until next time.

Labels and a dilemma

Labels... why must we have labels for everything in this world? Can't one thing just exist without being labeled and shoved into a category? I know it is part of the human condition to want to label things, good, bad, boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, friend, enemy, the list goes on and on... but why the absolute need to have something and label it right away. Does life really need to be categorized in this way for things to make sense to our feeble human minds?

I have been labeled many things: friend, lover, boyfriend, booty call, husband, son, father, airman, civilian, the list goes on and on... do any of these define me? Does one label stand out more then any other? If I were to let go of all labels, of all defining words, does that destroy my character? Does it make me none of the things mentioned? If I was never labeled do I exist?

We label things to make sense of them, to be able to comprehend the incomprehensible. If I was never labeled a boyfriend does that mean I wouldn't do exactly what is expected of one labeled as such? If I was never labeled a father does that mean I would not act as one would?

Why do certain things in life need to be comprehended in the first place? Can't they just be, exist without form and expectations, flitting about as they will? Is that so bad of a state of being that we must save the thoughts, actions, or energy by labeling them and filing them away. Is love not just as powerful a feeling if it isn't grouped into being a between father-child/boyfriend-girlfriend/wife-husband? Does it lose any of it's meaning if it is just love between two people? Requited love shouldn't need labels. If you love someone and they love you back can't it just be at that without making that person owned by a label?

Is there really such a difference between good and evil? All there is shades of gray between the two... who is to say one thing is good and one thing evil? I could label saving a bus full of children as an evil act, justifying it in my own way. Others would look at it as an act of goodness, as saving a person's life is a noble act to some. A better example is of free will. If I keep someone, say my daughter, from doing something she wanted to do with all her heart, like visit a friend far away, but I feel it is a waste of time and she really should be doing something else with herself, say study for school, and threaten to cut all ties with her if she goes on said trip does that make it an evil act? If I keep someone from doing something they want to do, but I believe it is for the best and am saving them from a bad mistake, am I in the right or in the wrong for keeping them from doing what they want? Again some would say it was evil others good... therefore there is no good and evil, just shades of gray that can be interpreted as anything one wishes it to be. One last example, if I pushed someone to do something they really wanted but doing said action would cause harm to their family relationship because the family is opposed to them doing anything other then what they have approved, am I the evil one or are they for going against that persons free will? Again it can be looked at both ways, there is no clear "this is what's right" in a situation like that, or many other situations.

Does inhibiting someones free will make you evil if you believe it was for the greater good? Is there a line that can be drawn stating "anything beyond this is evil" when it comes to controlling someones free will? Is just a nudge too much? A push? Fully taking over their life? If it is all for the best for that person where is the line that makes it evil or for that matter good? Does it harm anyone if you make happen what you want when it is against their free will?

Who really knows what is best for another person other then the person who is living that life. I say break free of other people trying to live your life for you, make your own mistakes and your own triumphs. If things don't work out then at least you can say you tried, there is nothing to regret in trying. Living a life with no regrets is the only way to enjoy life. Besides at the time, in your heart and soul, it felt like the thing to do and damn anything that tried to stop you from doing whatever it is you did. Why should you regret what felt so right at the time? Because at that time it WAS what you wanted, what you needed, what made you feel alive.

Advice is nice... but not always welcome.