Concerning thoughts about myself I have come to the conclusion that I have a very pessimistic view. Experience has taught me that I am the loser, the runner up, the one passed over, the one in the dark on too many different occasions that it has become second nature to doubt anything that has to do with me. I have self esteem don't get me wrong, but when it comes to events or relationships that I have a hand in the slightest thing gets me thinking about being left behind.
This is not a healthy thing for one to do. It has become apparent that if you carry such views upon your shoulders then they become true after a while since you drag everything else down with you to those depths. No one likes the person who mopes and fishes for the slightest bit of hope that something will turn their way. Especially when they have a lot of other things going for them but they fail to cherish them for what they are. If you have someone's love, accept it for that don't try to make it more then it really is.
If things don't seem to be going how you expected them to, it is your own fault for pushing such expectations on the event. If your will is strong enough you will get what you want out of it anyway, or have it lead to something even better.
Accept things as they are, not as you want them to be.
1 comment:
I was fairly pissed off when I read this, just after the posting of my blog. Yet after reading the letter to yourself, perhaps you were just doing a bit of projecting. Here is the thing, people may not like "who mopes and fishes for the slightest bit of hope that something will turn their way. Especially when they have a lot of other things going for them but they fail to cherish them for what they are.", but tell and tell me truthfully, what is the worth of another's approval, particularly when the world appears as such a bleak place? You put on a mask of contentedness and people may like it, but they like the mask not you. With friends like that who needs friends? We, both of us, were taken in by magical Bradshaw thinking, and as wonderful as it all sounds, it become more apparent to me everyday that that shit is simply not the truth. You tried to follow the philosophy by action, a grail quest equipped with butterflies and everything. I sought the path for knowledge, for truth. We both knew the path would be rough, but in the end all would work out better, right? just like in the movies. Like Neo, it would be hard to abandon the old illusionary world, but the real world would be so much more valuable. I have found the truth of the world and it is utter nihilism, I hate to admit it, but God damn it, it is true. There is no meaning and there is no ultimate goal we are all striving for. Man is an ape and nothing more. We have adapted two things technology and language. Our brains are able to do nothing more than judge the world around us, that is the peak of our functioning to make a judgment of good or bad and to communicate that judgment. Yet everyone lies to everyone else because we are afraid of not being liked. The one thing that truly makes us unique, our judgment and assessment of things around us and we give it up, for what, false approval?
I for one am sick of it am going to start telling it like it is, because we can do nothing else in this world. This world, Clint, is not a magical place run by a magical benevolent Tao. This world is a crap shoot, human beings disgusting, predictable, unhappy creatures. We can not change our lots with mere will. Our failed expectations are not our fault! Have you ever read the diary of Anne Frank, she just wanted friends and boys like every other girl that age, but she and her family was killed in a holocaust, was that due to any failing on her part? No, and it is cruel and ridiculous to assume so. There is just meanness and absurdity, insanity and meaninglessness in this world, it is not because anyone has failed as a human being, we didn't choose even to exist, we were all thrust into this bowl of shit and there is not a thing any of us could have done about it. There is no such thing as paying dues, why do I know this? My mother tells me constantly, you are young you have to pay your dues. Counter point, she has paying paying her dues for 51 years and does she have any happiness to show for it? No. Hard roads do not always lead to happiness or enlightenment. Think of all the alchemists who not only died having never completed their work, but never found piece of mind either. The happy, everything happens for a reason philosophy is cute, but think about it, it can't possibly be. More to come.
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