Dearest Internets, I come to thee tonight to speak of a revolution going on. I speak of the changes in my philosophy, in my total being.
I have recently noticed the changes, as they started out subtle and far between. Some may call it maturing, others responsibility but I view it as a change of character that has been years in the making but finally coming to fruition. Many of my old habits have done a 180 turn, what was once a mess is now clean, what was once a day spent on guilty pleasures is now just pleasures, what was once prison is now freedom. I am more happy now then I ever was in the past. The old philosophy of my life has no meaning to me now, I feel the change coming of a new one. One that makes more sense to me, though it scares me at the same time. It is so unlike how I used to be that I fear I was living in denial for so long that my true self was buried, lost in the swirl of my mind.
A friend once told me "You're the perfect Christan, always turning the other cheek. Funny thing is your not even a Christian!", an old girlfriend of mine once told me "You are like a shell, emotionless and logical. Never showing what you truly feel unless I pry into you. You hide everything about you". My ex-wife echoed that thought many times to me, though not put so elegantly. All the times I had a chance to be true to myself, to exact due wrath upon people that deserved it oh so much, all the times I could of told the truth but didn't to save hurt. I have always turned the other cheek, bottled what I felt for the logical part of me to work it out and make things better. Though most times it was for the worse.
My old philosophy was I followed the path of least resistance, saying I will be like water and over come any hardship. What I failed to grasp was stagnant water turns poisonous. Through my inaction, my emotionless state, I have reaped nothing but ill rewards and empty friendships. Not all rewards and friendships were bad, there have been a few gems that I will cherish forever.
NO MORE, this change has long been in the making and is due to make it's grand entrance. It has already started, my trip to Texas is proof of the logical part of my mind taking a break from the wheel. Going on what feels right, what I know is right, that is my new driver. Emotions are what make us human, make us great and at the same time so weak. I am done just going through the motions of life.
How can you know the deepest love if you haven't experience the deepest hate? I feel the flood gates opening and I like it, I revel in it. No more will I be a stagnate pool of water, it is the raging river that gets over the obstacles, carves its own path to where it needs to be. Fate has a hand in everything but only you can take the helm of your life and reach where you need to be. Waiting for fate to take control, for signs, you never get where you need to be as fate drives a Ferrari and waits for no one. Too long I have been left behind, watching as things happen with a detached sense of reality.
Certain events in my recent past have shown me that to enjoy life, to really get everything out of this life, you need to meet the world with enthusiasm. A bright sense of being alive, enjoying earthly wonders for what they are.
"Nothing can bring you peace but yourself." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
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and beware the good and just! They would like to crucify those who devise their own virtue - they hate the lonely one.
Beware also of holy simplicity! All that is not simple is unholy to it; it likes to play with fire too - and the stake.
And beware also the assaults of your love! The lonely one offers his hand hand too quickly to any one he meets.
To many men you may not give your hand, but only the paw; and I want your paw to have claws too.
But the worst enemy you can meet will always be yourself; you lie in wait for yourself in caverns and forests.
Lonely one, you are going the way to yourself! And your way goes past yourself, and past your seven devils!
You will be a heretic to yourself and witch and soothsayer and fool and doubter and unholy one and villain.
You must be ready to burn yourself in your own flame: how could you become new, if you had not first become ashes! - Friedrich Nietzche: Thus spake Zarathustra
Flee, my friend, into your solitude: I see you stung all over by the poisonous flies. Flee to where a rough, strong breeze blows!
Flee into your solitude! You have lived too closely to the small and the pitiable. Flee from their invisible vengeance! Towards you they have nothing but vengeance.
Do not raise an arm against them! They are innumerable and it is not your fate to be a fly swatter. - Nietzsche: Thus Spoke Zarathustra
Whoever fights monsters should take care that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. - Nietzsche: Zarathustra
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