I now know what it really feels like to be in love. I have never felt this before not even when I was married. It is full of hurt, depression, longing, joy, smiles, and tender words. It is a wonderful yet horrible feeling, only because I am not close enough to really enjoy it. To utterly care for someone's well being, how easy to describe but hard to feel.
When she is depressed, full of hurt, longing, anything really I feel it. I can tell her moods by how I feel. When I have a bad day she does too. A good day is as well shared by us. A thousand miles is nothing when the heart string between us vibrates with emotion, like two cans with string to carry voices between forts.
Recently I have been angry and depressed, I know something is going on but I have no clue what it is or how to help out. What I do is only adding to the depression and anger. There is no winning with this distance, we might as well be worlds apart. Sometimes I feel like we are, like we are just passers by that happened to exchange numbers on a brief meeting.
There is nothing I can do to alleviate this feeling. The feeling things are slipping away, growing cold and distant. Idle conversation is all we can muster now. Certain subjects are now taboo as they bring hurt or guilt to one. Hearing each other's voice has gone from an almost hourly event to maybe once every week. Texting has been a daily event but even that has become less frequent, to only a few messages a day. I fear soon it will be once every few days, then none at all. Leaving me wanting, craving, some sort of interaction with her but ultimately going into the abyss that is no communication or worse every word spoken or sent will bring anger and loathing. The "I love you"s disappearing slowly but surely like some endangered animal that only a few people cared to notice in the first place. Followed closely by the sweet little names that are so endearing, enough to bring a smile to your face no matter what the day had brought you. Even those are slowly fading into the mist of... well not sure of what.
Unless something changes, the situation I don't know the details on/distance/communicating, I fear this is going on a downward spiral into the abyss. Ending what is looking at being a very rewarding experience before it really even begins.
I'm not sure how to end this post so I will just leave it as it is...
...leave it as it is.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Do not try to posses what you love. The embrace of love held too tightly can destroy the one you love.
Each moment that passes changes you. You cannot posses even yourself. How can you hope to posses anyone or anything else.Tie two birds together. And though they may have four wings, they cannot fly.
Post a Comment